[WARNING. This may be depressing.]
Well, it's another year.
By August 18, I will have about 74 more years left to live, assuming that I will live to about 90. That means I've lived about 16% of my life already. (For those of you older and (hopefully) wiser people out there, it's okay. You can laugh. It's not much, I know. Even so, it's utterly terrifying for me at this time. And deep down, don't you feel the same fear? The heart doesn't change all that much through the years. A small, dark part of you're subconscious still whispers slowly to you, counting each and every beat of you're heart, informing you with every mutter that this could be you're last. And even though it probably isn't, the last will come. Someday. And by that time you're supposed to bear no regrets. Ha.)
I have also just been informed that people aren't supposed to have figured out their lives by age 18 (much to my surprise), and that people actually get their life together around 30. This is both reassuring and distressing at the same time, as I thought that I'd have to get myself together, out of school, into a good job, and pray that the government doesn't turn into a bigger mess in two years. It's good to know that I have 14 more years to figure myself out, but at the same time, my faith in humankind just dwindled a little bit more. Most people have kids, get married, and THEN figure themselves out after they have multiple people to look after. Really, they're just kids. And even if one doesn't have people to look after by the time they learn who they are, their likelihood to successfully procreate are practically nil. The affect? Most people are raised by parents who don't know what the hell they're doing. Also, the stupid tend to breed massively, thus ensuring that the majority of each generation is dumber then the last.
Although I know this, I have heard that one has to live and grow with other human beings to develop properly. Does that have to include sharing love (emotionally and physically)? How could someone be in love if they know that they could be a whole new person next month?
And what's with the stupid mating instincts?? My Mother has said that people always end up getting intimate in any romantic relationship, and that it is literally impossible to fight biology. But how could one get close to anyone if one lives in fear of starting up a whole new dysfunctional family??
Also, is it true that people become dysfunctional and selfish if they don't allow themselves to become close to anyone? If so, wouldn't it be better to chance creating more stupid people at the wrong time then dooming yourself of not creating any new people AT ALL, or (worse) to deprave oneself to the point of insanity?
I have no answers.
And I feel like I'm running out of time.
So I would like any of you who are reading this (and are fairly sure that they have figured out life) to please, PLEASE leave some sort of feedback for me. I'm scared, and in need of insight.
This is my cry for help.
Rachel how about you and Auntie Jenn have an us date soon!
ReplyDeleteAwww...poor thing! I’m glad your feeling better already, that’s how things go. Anyhoo... Life isn’t here to be figured out. The answers are not important, the questions are. Find peace in the knowledge that you have the depth of spirit to ask questions and be reflective. Therein, you will discover the magic of human consciousness.
ReplyDeleteIf someone wants to live forever, they are obviously missing out on the splendor of the moment. Right? Imagine thinking that life were a game, and there was a big soccer net we had to kick ourselves into in order to win... how ridiculous! Ha! Life is not a game and there is no such soccer net; there is only a field of consciousness that you are doing a wonderful job of exploring. Keep moving through it! You have to go through what you go through.
Living long and prospering are great ambitions that must be honored, that we know! (ha and yay!). Those ambitions may fade as they are achieved, or always seem just out of grasp as one strives to become older and get more. They are a part of the beautiful nature of humans, which can sometimes become ugly and twisted.
At the same time, being fully present in the moment is gloriously ours right Now, and Forever. Being fully present is something that will never fade. It is a wonderful and holistic ambition that is also a reality if we open to it.
Remember too, that we are not what we do. That is part of us, of course, but it doesn’t comprise us like our spirit does. In our art, we learn to love people even if we don’t love what they are doing (to us, their world, or themselves). You are practiced at this difficult task, now apply it to yourself all the time. It’s good to love what you are doing too, no doubt. Allow yourself to change what you do, and allow yourself to discover your True Self along the way. Continue to uncover more and more, until you find that you are certain and pure, even and especially in uncertainty. It’s like you were hinting at: your identity in this life is as constant as your beating heart AND the fire of the stars. You will always be you, even as you change. Revel in what you already know, and what you do not. Enjoy!
Ciao, TJ-S