Creak

Hey, all. I guess. Does anyone still read these? Probably not.
I just wanted to write some stuff down. Then throw it into the net. Because it makes me feel better imagining someone reading it and maybe even enjoying it a bit. I dunno.
Anyway, I'm sick. Forth or fifth time this year. Usually it's just a small cold that clears up in a few days, but not this one. I've been sleeping too much. I had to take a day off work. I can't really speak or hear because my sinus issues are affecting my ears. And my eyes are constantly gumming up, so I can't see very well either.
I have my Anthropology final on Friday, so I'm worried about that.
Alena was getting stir-crazy, so she and mom left the house maybe four hours ago. Or something. As I'm sure you know, my brain is spectacularly good at being paranoid and I keep seeing and hearing things that aren't there with my debilitated senses.
I feel lonely but I don't want to go online because I don't know if I can keep myself from saying rash things to whoever's on. Like exposing my deepest secrets and insecurities to someone online who I don't know very well. I'm in a weird mood! It could happen.

Usually when I'm in this situation, I sing. It makes the house less quiet and it gives me something to do, reminds me that I'm alive and that I have a place in the world.

I can't make noise above a croak and even that hurts.

So yeah. I'm kinda bored and scared and sad. Not really sure what to do about it, though.
Maybe I'll post more crappy poems later. That'll class this place right up. I should make one about tapeworms.

Friendship Advice?

My best friend and I hit a rough patch about a year ago. It was mostly my fault. When I realized that things weren't going smoothly, I, like an idiot, thought that if I stepped back and gave everything time, it would all end up okay. I thought that I was screwing it up by being too close to the situation.
I realized far, far too late that this was entirely stupid and quite possibly the worst idea I've ever had. My friend contacted me a few months ago and we talked things over. I thought that things, although not entirely patched up with her, were going to get better. That we might have to start over again, but everything would be fine.
This hasn't happened and I'm kinda freaking out.
I've considered just forgetting about the whole thing entirely, but that doesn't seem to be an option- I think of her every day and it hurts horribly every single time. I'm not exaggerating about this. Every damn day, I turn around and there's something that reminds me of her staring me in the face.
I know that I should never forget the impact that she's had upon my life, but sometimes I wish that I could.

I'm assuming that most of the people reading this have had friends before and kinda know what to do. I'm at a total loss and I'm afraid of waiting around any longer.
Thank you.



__________________________________

PS: Sorry about the melodrama. I've been trying to not talk about any of my crazy-ass emotional issues anymore because I tend to overwhelm people, but sometimes I need answers.

PPS: It's 2:12 AM and I'm really freaking tired, so please excuse me if I come across as anything other then sad/confused. I can't function properly at this hour without caffeine in my system, so I have no filters or recognition for what is or isn't appropriate. (I still can't tell if it needs more or fewer cuss-words. Wait, less? No, that doesn't make sense... What's the antonym of fewer, again??) I probably shouldn't even be publishing this right now, but I'm worried that I won't have enough guts in the morning.

PPPS: To make up for the drama in this post, here are some funny picture of cats.










PPPPS: I used to have a very impressive lolcatz collection, but I lost it when my motherboard overheated. =(

PPPPPS: How many postscripts can you make?

PPPPPPS: According to wikipedia, you can make an infinite number of postscripts.
"Sometimes, when additional points are made after the first postscript, abbreviations such as PPS (post-post-scriptum, or postquam-post-scriptum) and PPPS (post-post-post-scriptum, and so on, ad infinitum) are used, though only PPS has somewhat common usage." [source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postscript ]
As tempted as I am to push it to the limit, I think I'll stick with the 6.

ANGSTADY-ANGST, HURRAH!

Hello, world.
Despite what my last post may have lead you to believe, I'm actually not constantly depressed anymore. What cured me? I'd like to say the support of my family and friends, but I'm gonna be honest here. While the humans whom I occasionally let within my personal bubble of 5 feet (most notably Cooper McHatton) helped me feel a little less empty inside, what really cured me was the Vlogbrothers. I'm sorry, guys. You helped a lot, but there's something about John and Hank that reminds me that, despite our faults, we're all made of some form of awesome.
That being said, I'm not feeling too amazing at the moment. I have a doctor's appointment (for a check-up) in a few hours (I don't know WHEN) that I became aware of just today. I HATE DOCTOR'S OFFICES. I DON'T KNOW WHY. I can read all day about lympoma and sleep soundly at night. I can look at diagrams of tracheotomies and all I'll think is "Neat!" I'm the kind of person who thinks it's fun to stay up until 6:00AM on a school night reading up on torture methods on wikipedia. However, when I walk into that cold, foul-smelling office, I immediately start to panic. My throat feels like it's closing, I can't fight off the people trying to hug me or comfort me, and I'm afraid that the rushing sound in my ears will be my undoing.
So, yeah. I don't particularly like the doctor's office. On top of all this, I DON'T KNOW IF I WORK THIS FRIDAY. The days have been scrambled up on me and I can barely remember what I did yesterday, never mind the day before that. I really hope they'd call me if I skipped a day. It is VERY important that I find out if I work, because I have a therapy session RIGHT WHEN I F#CKING WORK EVERY OTHER FRIDAY.
<rant>
...And I've been staying until at least 4:00AM every night for the past week, my library book is due tomorrow, my friend Talon and I are trying to make things work between us (but I think we might be failing), I'm sure Shanti has sent me a new email, but I haven't checked it yet and I hope she isn't mad at me, I love math but I suck at it, I feel like a heel for not hanging out with Cooper as much as I should, the overuse of emotion among humans is stupid, unnecessary, and confusing, I don't understand women, I can't remember what day it is, I keep forgetting why I'm here and I wonder if I ever knew, panic attacks are rampant, the ninjas are all after me, and I'm pretty damn sure that the Silents are creeping up on me wherever I go.

AND THAT'S JUST THIS WEEK. A rather GOOD week, compared to what this month's been like.

</rant>

...Oh, and commas are CONFUSING, especially when I misuse them. Sorry about that. >.<
BAH. Anyway, what was I saying before my post was bombarded by ANGST??
Oh yeah. I'm not depressed anymore.
Wheee. <waves maracas/>

A Rather Small and Silly Update

I've been a bit out of sorts since the 10th Doctor died. I know that this will sound crazy, but I've been mourning by carrying around a replica sonic screwdriver to most places and wearing a light brown longcoat.
...I've even considered cutting my hair like his. (I've decided not to because it would use too much gel.)
If this is what it likes when a character dies, I can't imagine what it would be like to have one of my friends die...
Friends, please do your best to not die. It would be awful for all of us to lose you AND have me go completely batshit. Seriously, I even annoy MYSELF.

On the more awesome side, I've worked a total of two shifts at the library so far. And MAN. It is hard work, but it ROCKS. I'm being PAID to carry and sort books ALL DAY. Love! <3

....Anyway, I'm not really sure why I posted this. Maybe to show that I'm still here? I dunno. I think I'm gonna email one of my friends. I've gotta see if I've been annoying them or something and that why they haven't sent me anything.
=)

Happy Yesterday to All- We Were Born to Die. =)

So... Uhm. Yeah.
Hello world, it is 2:34 AM and I am tired. I am not usually tired at this time, but I've been getting sleepy at 12:00  lately. This is much to early.
You may wonder why I am talking so strangely.(Typing? I dunno.) This is because I have just watched 24 Vlogbrothers videos... And it has made me into some strange John-Hank Nerdfighter hybrid. Or maybe that's just a Nerdfighter in general?? Dunno.
Anyhoo, I've been forgetting to check my mail... Failfailfail. I keep taking a few days to respond to stuff... And it might be making my friends mad. I won't know if they are for a while though, as it would seem. I think that they are tired with my taking days to respond to simple emails and I'm pretty sure that they are a bit exasperated. Or maybe a lot. Not sure. Maybe they're not checking because they think I won't respond?? No, that isn't right. Other people use their emails for important stuff. BAD, memory.
Yikes, I am tired.
Maybe my friends are trying to show me what it's like to not get replies for a while. That might make sense. Sometimes I get the feeling that people are trying to teach me things... Or something. If so, I'm actually glad about it. Learning stuff is good. Yes, yes it is.
Poo monkeys. My use of cuss words has gone down considerably, making way for other words. Like poo. And monkey. And Monkey's uncle. And other stuff.

Today was fun! I went to work today. IT ROCKED. Being shown how to categorize everything in the library was a bit overwhelming, but it was fun. The adult fiction wraps around confusingly and is sorted alphabetically, so that was confusing... And I've got to make sure to not mix the adult 398's (or was it 938?? Pretty sure it was 398.) with the kid's 398's. 398 is fairy tales and mythology, and most of it is not for kids... So I've gotta be careful of that. Don't want to scar some little kid... Have you read classic Russian fairy tales? I have. It's all about incest, fatricide, sororicide, and the occasional Witch-burning. Oh, and everyone's name is Simon. Anyhoo, besides from these slight confusions, the job is GREAT. OH!! And I was introduced to the adult Sci Fi section. HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS SECTION?? I guess that I mostly went to the library when I was a little kid, so I mostly stayed in the juvenile section. But seriously. They have a WHOLE SHELF devoted to Science Fiction and COMICS. HELL YEAH.

Blaaaaahooough. Bla. Bleh. Bleesh.

It is now 2:57. WHY DO IT TYPE SO SLOWLY?? Or maybe it's because I keep going back to delete my mistakes. Darn.

Anyway, I am in a funny mood right now. I'm not sure why I'm lonely right now, but I am. Whenever I have any time to sit and just be in the moment, I get this funny feeling like I'm going to break down. Do you ever feel like that? Like you've just walked away from a car accident? Like you've climbed out of the wreckage, ducktaped your wounds together, then you're just sitting and waiting for the paramedics to arrive? But maybe you're trying to distract from the pain and trying to not go into shock, so you forget about it all and decide to pretend like none of it happened? I get the feeling that soon I'll wake up and I'll have to deal with having just recently climbed out of a car wreck. Maybe that's what that feeling is deep down inside. That sad feeling. You know the one. Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

Yikes, sappy or what?? Eesh, I guess I just needed to vent. I need to do this more often on here.
...Or maybe not. Whenever I try to pour out my soul at all, strange things come out. Should I just learn to live with this?? As Thomas-Sensei would probably say, "We all have strange things in our soul. And sometimes they come out! We just need to learn to accept them, welcome them... And let them pass." ...Or something like that. I'd try to see what Pol would say, but I'd probably just get referred to his evil one-eyed talking parrot. Oh well.
What was I rambling on about?? Oh yeah. When I try to talk about serious stuff, it all gets a little emotional and silly. Silly is good! Silly is great. But there is a time and a place for silly, and sometimes people don't want silliness all over their nice business suits. So I'll just keep writing this strangeness in my journal (which I have taken to calling my Tome of Troubles, on account of how dramatic and angsty my life must seem if all someone saw of it was my journal. (My journal's real name is Tim. Why? No idea.)). I'll try to keep this stuff in there, but sometimes I may have a funny urge to let it seep onto here. For all the world to see. Weird.

...OH GOD. It's the end of the world tomorrow, isn't it?? Wait. No. It's 3:13 now. IT'S THE END OF THE FREAKING WORLD, PEOPLE!! *waves invisible maracas!* ...Really though, I don't think that the world will end. I just thought that it was funny. When I finished the last paragraph, my mind strayed to my discovery of what I'd do if this really was the last day. Here it is:
If it's the kind of 'world ends in a flash of light, no warning, preparation, or time' kind of thing, then I'd want to do something new, crazy, and exiting. Actually, a whole bunch of things. I came up with the first 4 list items, but I just decided to add stuff to illustrate my point.

1. Jump on the beds in a mattress store
2. Hug a random person
3. Propose to the first person I see at the park
4. Say something nice to a telemarketer
5. Buy a homeless person some lunch
6. Sing Hedwig and the Angry Inch loudly in a department store (why do I always have the urge to do this?? The same thing happens at school too...)
7. Burst into the doctor's office (no, not that doctor. ...Sadly.) and offer all the children rainbow lollipops
8. Do the Time Warp on someone's kitchen table (and put your legs in styyyyle...)
9. Trigger a spontanious group-Time Warp-flash mob in the park (it's just a jump to the left...)
10. Come out as bisexual to my (non-immediate) family in roaring colors and style

...So what I got from all this is that, secretly, I want to be a spontaneous and risk-taking person. I think. It's kinda hard to tell at 3:29 in the morning.
The real question is... Why don't I do this right now?? Every day could be my last... But I won't. At least, this version of me won't. That Rahel you see up there is the risk-taking Rahel. The manic-pixie-girl Rahel. The Girl Who Was In Love with the World. (The Rahel that will take over and push the Publish button before reading this post, because she knows that the other Rahel will go back and delete everything if she read it. Blame all this madness on ManicPixieGirl!Rahel.)
She is not me.
I am a different type of Rahel.
Someday I might be the Rahel you see grinning cheekily out at you from the list above... And if that day ever comes, I will come to your house and do the Time Warp on your kitchen table. And you can join me.

Until then, I'll keep on being the Rahel I am.

Ciao. And greetings... From the End of the World.

Thank you all.

My, my.
There are so many things I want to say and so many things I want to share right now... Like how Weeping Angels scare the living tartar sauce out of me, how I made an awesome time capsule, or how angry I am about the new Sherlock Holmes adaptation.
I want to spew these things all over the internet with wild abandon, but the truth is that I have an apology to make.

To my friends and other people I know:
I am sorry that I've been such an absolute hermit lately. Just the other day, I realized that I haven't communicated with you guys in quite a while and that you must be absolutely pissed. I took pause, imagining how you must be feeling; sad, confused, angry. Maybe even betrayed. Then I thought of sending you all messages to make up for just a smidge of lost time. This seemed like a good idea, but I didn't do it. I was afraid. As you probably all know, I have a huge capacity to feel guilt. However, I appear to display a lack of empathy (I have empathy, I just hide it) and I am a master of procrastination. I'm also a coward. These traits do not mix well. The reason you haven't received word of me in a long while is this: I'm afraid of you.
Not afraid in a 'mimes are in my mattress, I just know it' kind of way, though. More like a 'oh god, I have friends now and I have to take care of myself so that I don't hurt them, but then where is my identity- oh no, I'm loosing my heart to a group of people, can I trust them with it- crap, I'm way in over my head- I think I'll just hide for a while' kind of afraid.
Basically, I'm scared of commitment. The ironic part is that I tend to get extremely attached to people.

To properly illustrate this fact, I have a rundown of the relationships in my life. You may skip this if you want. It's pretty boring.
I'm a person who grew up unable to relate to 'real' people in any deep way. My Mom's friends weren't interested in spending their time with a 4 year old and their kids were exasperating. Not that they were stupid or immature, of course. It's just that, when you're four, a two year age gap is HUGE. At one point, I had two friends who were a huge part of my life, but their parents didn't stick around. I lost them and it was at the age of 7 (3 years later) that I made a friend. Unfortunately, she had many friends and I didn't matter as much to her as she did to me. I had another friend around 6, but the connection wasn't very strong. I don't remember a whole lot about her, but she lived across the street and we would play sometimes. I remember telling her once that I would have to marry her when I grew up, because you're supposed to marry the person you're closest to, but she didn't share my opinion. She moved away when I was about 9 and I still can't remember what the feeling was like. It was probably awful. I had two friends near the age of 10, but they moved to Hawaii, leaving me with the best cat in the entire world and an obsession with Harry Potter (which was later suppressed due to someone saying that it was Witchcraft and therefore obviously connected with satanism.[I have since discovered that this is absolute bullcrap and I have the utmost respect for Wicca.]) At 9, I hung out a lot with my Dad's friend's kids when he had band practice. They were around my age and taught me things like how to hop fences, hock loogies, and generally act like a boy. They left for Austin, Texas when I was about 11. Around 12, I began harboring a rather hopeless crush on a boy. I am sorry to admit that the crush lasted until I was about 14. *Shame shame shame.*


....So, yeah. I am the queen of unrequited love, platonic and otherwise. Also, don't believe me when I say "I had no friends." I had friends. I just try my best to forget about them.
Also, this list is only of human friends. I had a multitude of imaginary, inanimate, and animal friends.

Soooo I guess that this is why it's easy for me to fall hopelessly in love with fictional characters, but can't hold a friendship with an actual human. I keep expecting them to disappear or reject me.
FUN.


You know what, though?? This is all in the past. I now have 4 awesome friends who actually care about me and aren't moving anywhere anytime soon. So I worked up some courage and opened my email today. 29 unread messages, 17 of which are from people who care about me. And I've been avoiding them.
Being closed hearted isn't being strong. It isn't keeping myself happy. Yes, I feel peaceful and calm when I don't have to think about other people, but that isn't how the world works. My idiotic human heart keeps reaching out to others, and nothing will stop that. I think I understand now. You guys actually help me along and make me a better person. I admit that it's totally terrifying to be shaped my other people, but it needs to happen. I need to grow and I need to feel. And I can't do it without you guys.
So I'm going to grow up and start fighting for my friends for once.

Thank you. Thank you for everything.

Eight Days???

Ahem. Soooo.... Long time no see! How long as it been? A month? Two months?
EIGHT DAYS?? Oh. Um. Okay. Not that long I guess...
It feels like I've been gone for a long time, though. I have some awesome stuff to share with you, but FIRST. HOBBIT CAKES.

 YOU'RE WELCOME.


Okay. First awesome thing.
I went to school today!! It was weird. I'm supposed to be OUT of school, not BACK. I'm actually just staying until I pass that CHSPE test (should be October 20), but I'm still walking around in a daze, expecting zombies to show up and realize that I have no weapons. And pants. However, it isn't a dream. No, no. I'm actually back to taking classes at the school.
It feels really weird. I also realized that today was when I saw the most people in one space then I have seen all summer. I was just standing there, chatting with some old friends, when WHAM. There are kids surrounding me. Not closely, mind you, but close enough. It felt horrible. Claustrophobia set in and I wanted nothing more then to run. I literally felt the hills behind me beckoning with their wide arms. "Come, Rahel. Come to us. We can hide you. You'll be safe."
Luckily, I got a hold of myself quickly. I was fine. Most of these people weren't armed with anything worse then backpacks and they didn't even want to hurt me.
I spent the rest of school talking to Caden. Cooper wasn't there and it felt really weird, but Yugiohkid gave me an awesome card* I got a hug from a kid I know, and most the Padiwans  kindergartners weren't too scared of me (I knew most of them from the previous year). All in all, a pretty nice day.

Second awesome thing.
Today is promotions for the younger kids in Aikido!! It's gonna be awesome. All the little yellow belts are moving up to orange... So adorable.

Third awesome thing.
My Mom's site is so totally up!! Here it is. Tell me what you think. =)

Fourth awesome thing!
I'm getting back into writing!! I'm trying to write 250 words a day, and it's been going quite nicely.
I've even started a Sherlock-Misery crossover fanfic!! W00T!! It's gonna be so awesome....
As you may have guessed, I am reading Misery. For the first time. I'm on chapter 28. It is sad. And awesome. And horrible. And awesome.
Here's the overview: Sherlock comes into Annie's house carrying John, who's legs are horribly mangled from a car accident. Annie welcomes them in and Sherlock blacks out. He has a concussion, but he soon realizes that Annie (he and John's #1 fan) is batshit insane. However, he isn't able to leave because he'd have to carry John over many snowy, underpopulated miles. And John's become hooked on Novril, the pain medication that Annie supplies them with. He'll just have to play along with Annie's whims, dodging her fits of rage and slowly nursing John back to health....
It will probably eventually be slash (Johnlock kinda tends to just happen), but it will mostly be focused on plot.

So here's part of the fanfic.... It's the first draft, so there are many errors, but I think it's okay....

Sherlock paused in his observations. Something was off. It was quiet, he realized. Much too quiet. He looked over at John. The man was lying still and didn’t seem to be breathing. Sherlock moved to the bed, emergency procedures flashing through his mind. He took a breath, held John’s nose, and put his mouth over his friend’s. He forced some air into John, waiting after each plunge for his friend to start breathing again. “Breathe, goddammit! Breath, John!” He shouted before clamping his mouth over John’s again.
After forcing some breaths into John, his heart fluttering madly the whole time, Sherlock was relieved to see John take a breath on his own.
“God, that was a close one.” He thought and sat heavily on the floor beside the bed. That was the first time he actually had to perform mouth-to-mouth on anyone. He was just glad that it had worked. He sat, holding John’s hand and listening to him breathe. It was the most wonderful sound in the world.
Novril. There were many reasons the drug wasn’t freely distributed as a painkiller. One was that it tended to cause respiratory depression in it’s weaker users. Another was that it was highly addictive.
He thought of their situation. John was on an addictive painkiller and his legs were mangled. They were in a house with a madwoman who was likely to be a serial killer. He couldn’t leave because he would have to carry John through woods and snow for many miles. Maybe it would have been better to not have come here at all. Maybe it would have been better if they had died in the crash, or had frozen out there. “At this point,” He thought “Almost any situation would be better.”
It was just so maddening, having to sit here and watch John die, so far away from help. Sure, he’d be able to make it on his own, but he had trashed the thought as soon as it had come. He would never leave John alone with this woman. There was no telling what she might do.
The image of coming back to find John lying dead, surrounded by policemen and striped tape, legs mangled and broken, was almost too much for him to bear. After making sure that Annie was outside, he rested his head against the bedframe and allowed himself to cry. It wasn’t a child’s bawling cry, nor was it a soft patter of tears. He held on to John’s hand more tightly and sobbed silently for a few minutes before falling asleep.

Tell me if you have any pointers. Or if you absolutely hate it. I won't mind. =)



*

(Hothothothothothot)

A Chain of Bad News, then a Bucket of Awesome

Right. So. Bad news.
Links have been adding to the chain of insanity these past weeks. Mom is a waitress and she hurt her knee in July. Weeks later, right before work, she broke (or fractured) her thumb. Then the restaurant she worked at closed. She's bored and out of a job. She's still looking, but she isn't finding much.
We had some plumbing problems last week. The seal around the toilet's base gave out, so Mom called a plumber. He was super creepy and called her 'mariposa' and 'carnitas', claiming to have forgotten her name. Before he left, he gave her his 'personal number' that she could 'call anytime.'
Aaaand he didn't fix the problem. The plumbing also backed up into the bathtub whenever we ran the washing machine.

So Mom called them again and had them send a different guy. He suggested that they blast out the pipes with a high-pressure hose (which would end up flooding our neighbor's house). Mom thought that he was crazy and checked his licence before he did anything. It had expired. She told him about this and asked if he had changed it or something. He replied that they did have a new licence number, but he was eating so he'd have to text her later... A while later, he gave her one that turned out to belong to someone else's company.
Mom reported him for not having a licence.

Just today, a water line (or maybe a fire hydrant? Not quite sure) broke in the street. The neighborhood probably lost thousands of gallons of water and they'll probably raise the price on our water to cover it.

Luckily, they just turned the water back on.



Bucket of awesome??
I met a person and traded contact info today. =)

Our neighbor was epic enough to give us a free pass to a week at the racket club, so we went over and swam in their pool. Actually, Alena swam and I read in the shade (I hate bathing suits so I swim fully clothed. That's fine for the creek or the reservoir, but not for a public swimming pool). Halfway through, a friend of mine (the Yugioh kid) came over, so I talked to him about Yugioh and tried to not let him splash me. Suddenly, a girl that I had noticed called out and asked "Hey! Girl in the skull shirt! Do I know you from somewhere?" I responded that I didn't think so. I went back to talking to my friend and got on the subject of The Hobbit (TRILOGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!). She swam over just when I was fangirling (which meant squeeing and jumping on one foot while flailing my arms) and asked if I was performing some kind of 'Japanese pop dance move.' I said that I wasn't, but that I did like Japanesy things. Then she asked if I liked anime.
By the end of the day we found that we both liked Neil Gaiman, Monty Python, Hayo Miazake, Nyan Cat, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, fangirling, DeviantArt, and glasses. She's 15, lives near my Dad's house (For now. She's moving soon, but she's going to stay in town) and doesn't often make friends. We swapped DeviantArt usernames.

I think I'm taking huge steps toward being a bit more social. =)
Which reminds me!! I have decided that 'friend' is an appropriate term for people I know and get along with.
So the people that I previously called 'people I know' are now called 'my friends' and the people I previously called 'my friends' are now.... Actually, I haven't gone that far yet. I'm thinkin that I should apply each of these terms to Vulcan, because they have very distinct social hierarchies. Here are some words for friends (found 'em here):
t'hy'la- friend/brother/lover*
katravahsu- associate/friend
telansu- someone with whom you share a close platonic relationship
fainusu- someone that you know well
ne ki'ne- trusted friend/warrior

I think that my newly promoted friends will be called 'katravahsu' and my close friends will be called 'telansu.'  Cool? Cool. Cool cool cool.

*This happens to be Spock's very special name for Kirk. Oh, Gene. You are a sneaky bastard.

Violence, Rainbows, and Obsidian

Interesting things have been happening this week.
First off, I just rounded out my Yugioh deck! It now contains exactly 60 well-chosen cards. W00T!!
.....Yes, I trade and play yugioh. Why? Because it's the only game that I can play with a certain friend of mine that doesn't involve beating each other with sticks, nerf swords, or our fists. Yes, we actually do that. It's fun, but painful. Which reminds me! The other day this friend and I were talking about drawing styles and he complimented my art (which is a very high honor, seeing as he's insanely good at drawing). I thanked him and complemented his artwork and we lapsed into a happy silence. Then he hit me in the face. I pushed him off the edge of the couch in retaliation.
"You know what I've noticed?" I said, after we stopped hitting each other.
"What?" He asked.
"Whenever we agree upon something or start being nice, we have to hit each other."
He thought about it for a moment. "Yeah, I guess you're right." He said, before I whacked him over the head.

....Bonding through violence and insults for the win!! =D


The best part of today was getting to walk through town with Cooper. We talked about many things, including Good Omens, Comicon, Weird Al, the new book he got: "A Geek's Guide to World Domination". Unfortunately, the writers of said book failed epically(how do I spell this???) in the LOTR department.

"[Gimli's] friendship with Legolas helped reestablish the bond between the Dwarves and Elves of Middle-Earth. In addition to his inclusion  in the Fellowship, Gimli traveled with Bilbo in The Hobbit." - A Geek's Guide to World Domination, page 136

Words cannot describe just how angry this makes me. I started to go into a nerd-rage after Cooper angrily read out the page.
What the frakk, people?? 'Cmon. You have the word 'Geek' on the flippin cover, and yet you can't get an obvious LOTR fact?? Does the title 'Gimli, son of Glóin' mean anything to these people???
Gah. Anyhoo.
Besides this aggravating Tolkien fail, today was pretty awesome. To top it off, Cooper gave me some obsidian! Never have I thought that I'd hear the words "I have a bag of obsidian for you!" in this lifetime.
Awesome.
Thanks for being patient with my nerd-raging and multiple trains of thought, Cooper! =^^=

....Incidentally, if any of you find little pieces of thoughts (usually rainbow and marked with things like 'Doctor Who', 'Discworld', and 'Spirk') lying around the park, or maybe up a tree, could you please return them to me? Just deliver them to the Moon. Preferably the Dark Side. I hate trying to walk all the way over to the post office. It's too bright and the cows look at me funny. =P

Weak

My two best friends were not in school today. One is probably sleeping in, sick, or catching up on schoolwork. Cooper, the other one, is in New York. Was in New York. He's back today, and I'll get to see him (I'm thinking we should try out that D&D chess I'm designing), but he wasn't in school.
I know many people at my school. I've even kind of become friends with them (albeit by accident), but I'm still very afraid to get close.
So it kind of shocked me when I started to feel really lonely when the only other girl my age left for her house today. I usually don't get along with her very well (she does dumb stuff sometimes. Like take my things and hold them over my head.), but I really felt sad that she was leaving. So just before she walked out, I hugged her and said "Oh my God, I am so lonely! Goodbye." She was quite shocked (everyone knows that hugs tend to terrify me) and hugged me back. Then she said that she'd see me Thursday and walked away.

So I take it I really do need my friends to remain sane. Pretty strange. Just 2 years ago, I would have been perfectly fine on my own. I'd even prefer it.

I think the worst part about all this is that I feel embarrassed and weak from all of this. I love my friends, but I always felt secure in the knowledge that I actually didn't need them to function.

Except when I started having dreams about making friends. Those were sad. Although I always had to wake up in the end, I never forgot them. Like that one girl I met in a dream when I was about 7. I actually remember her last look. I never quite got her name, either.

I wonder if she misses me.

Mulch-A-Da-Mulchy-Mulch

As I walked to class with my hands in my pockets in school today, I realized that said pockets contained quite a bit of mulch. To correct this, I dug out the little pieces and tossed them aside into the plants as I walked. My headmaster saw this and asked what I was doing, a look of bewildered amusement showing upon her face.
"I can explain!! I swear!" I shouted, frantically waving my hands in front of me.
My headmaster raised an eye brow.
"Okay." I started. "My jacket wasn't all that clean today."
She nodded sympathetically.
"So I tossed it in the drier with a drier sheet."
She commented that she'd done that before.
"But then it smelled like drier sheets!"
Another eyebrow.
"So I went out side, threw it in the dirt, and sat on it." I then explained that it was to replace the artificial flowery sent with nice earthen, hobbity, mulch-sent.
Que the facepalm. She then said something along the lines of "RAHEL...." to which I proclaimed that I harbored no regrets.
And I still don't. Mulch is awesome. >=]

I'm BACK, baby!!

Hey all! I have some awesome news! I'm sure my internet viewers probably haven't noticed (heck I'm pretty sure most of my real-world friends haven't noticed), but I've made it through a rough patch!! Yheaay! =^^=
I'm feeling more Rahel then I have been in a while. =)
I've been battling depression lately. It probably mostly has to do with not getting enough sunlight. It turns out I actually need to absorb vitamin D through my skin to retain my soul. Who knew? In all seriousness, it does make sense. The sun is our largest energy source and I kind of need it to recharge my happiness.
Also, my friends convinced me to hang out in the park with them after school, and I actually enjoyed it!! ...Weird. I take it I'm beginning to need more human interaction? I felt warning signs when I realized that there were now two humans besides my family that I would literally die for. Despite this, I plunged on. I knew the risks. I knew that I'd probably get my heart broken a couple times. The truth is, I've already had my heart broken. Many times. Take the Harry Potter series for example. I cried so much when EVERY ONE of my favorite characters DIED without proper goodbyes. (I miss you guys so much!! Now I have to visit you on fanfiction.net. [and man. Sorting through all the MarySues and other crudd is hard work. =P] )
Anyhoo, not only do I think that I can withstand the pain of having people close to me (and thus having to witness all their pains), I was getting kinda weird toward the end there. I craved friendship. And now I have it! And I'm addicted.
...It's kinda like the spice. It started out like, dude, I can perceive the future now?? Sweet. Oh wait. I can't leave the planet? Darn. Ah well, at least I have my ARMY of religion-deluded sandpeople! Oh, and chicks. Lotsa chicks. Then two years 'll pass and I'll be the direct cause of a very bloody jihad! ...Yeah, that sounds cool.
Next thing I know, I'll be some kinda potato-thing with flippers floating in a foggy tank!!
OR. WAIT. I know. I'll get my DAD to do all that stuff, then I can be Leto II and have my blood infused with spice so that I get a crazy sandworm body!! YEEAAAAHHH. =D

...I'll go ask Dad.

My first Real-Life Minion!! =D

I got a Minion!!! =D =D =D =D

I've always had many imaginary Minions, and my altar egos have always had a great number of Minions, but I've never received a real, flesh and blood, human one.

There's this really cute little kid at my school who randomly gives hugs to students. Yesterday, she seemed to take a liking to me (despite my greatest efforts to convince the kindergartners that I'm off my rocker) and she stayed by my elbow and growled at anyone who passed. She seemed pretty devoted and I was curious what she could do, and how big her vocabulary was. My little sister N has this thing where she keeps poking me and caressing the back of my neck with her super-long nails. She's cute, but really. I jump out of my skin every time. So N came creeping up to me, and I saw this as a chance to test my new Minion. I looked down at her, pointed to N, and said "sic' em!" She responded pretty fast. She got in front of a giggling N and started blocking her. She was pretty darn good. N left somewhere else for a brief time and my Minion returned. Later, when I was playing with N, I told her to not attack, and she didn't!

I think that this will work out just fine. =D

PS!! It turns out that I'm in a joint Minionship with Cooper and my other friend. We're both his Minions, but I also serve Coop. It's a pretty awesome arrangement. =)