So... Uhm. Yeah.
Hello world, it is 2:34 AM and I am tired. I am not usually tired at this time, but I've been getting sleepy at 12:00 lately.
This is much to early.
You may wonder why I am talking so strangely.(Typing? I dunno.) This is because I have just watched 24 Vlogbrothers videos... And it has made me into some strange John-Hank Nerdfighter hybrid. Or maybe that's just a Nerdfighter in general?? Dunno.
Anyhoo, I've been forgetting to check my mail... Failfailfail. I keep taking a few days to respond to stuff... And it might be making my friends mad. I won't know if they are for a while though, as it would seem. I think that they are tired with my taking days to respond to simple emails and I'm pretty sure that they are a bit exasperated. Or maybe a lot. Not sure. Maybe they're not checking because they think I won't respond?? No, that isn't right. Other people use their emails for important stuff. BAD, memory.
Yikes, I am tired.
Maybe my friends are trying to show me what it's like to not get replies for a while. That might make sense. Sometimes I get the feeling that people are trying to teach me things... Or something. If so, I'm actually glad about it. Learning stuff is good. Yes, yes it is.
Poo monkeys. My use of cuss words has gone down considerably, making way for other words. Like poo. And monkey. And Monkey's uncle. And other stuff.
Today was fun! I went to work today. IT ROCKED. Being shown how to categorize everything in the library was a bit overwhelming, but it was fun. The adult fiction wraps around confusingly and is sorted alphabetically, so that was confusing... And I've got to make sure to not mix the adult 398's (or was it 938?? Pretty sure it was 398.) with the kid's 398's. 398 is fairy tales and mythology, and most of it is not for kids... So I've gotta be careful of that. Don't want to scar some little kid... Have you read classic Russian fairy tales? I have. It's all about incest, fatricide, sororicide, and the occasional Witch-burning. Oh, and
everyone's name is Simon. Anyhoo, besides from these slight confusions, the job is GREAT.
OH!! And I was introduced to the adult Sci Fi section.
HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS SECTION?? I guess that I mostly went to the library when I was a little kid, so I mostly stayed in the juvenile section. But seriously. They have a WHOLE SHELF devoted to Science Fiction and COMICS. HELL YEAH.
Blaaaaahooough. Bla. Bleh. Bleesh.
It is now 2:57. WHY DO IT TYPE SO SLOWLY?? Or maybe it's because I keep going back to delete my mistakes. Darn.
Anyway, I am in a funny mood right now. I'm not sure why I'm lonely right now, but I am. Whenever I have any time to sit and just be in the moment, I get this funny feeling like I'm going to break down. Do you ever feel like that? Like you've just walked away from a car accident? Like you've climbed out of the wreckage, ducktaped your wounds together, then you're just sitting and waiting for the paramedics to arrive? But maybe you're trying to distract from the pain and trying to not go into shock, so you forget about it all and decide to pretend like none of it happened? I get the feeling that soon I'll wake up and I'll have to deal with having just recently climbed out of a car wreck. Maybe that's what that feeling is deep down inside. That sad feeling. You know the one. Search your feelings. You know it to be true.
Yikes, sappy or what?? Eesh, I guess I just needed to vent. I need to do this more often on here.
...Or maybe
not. Whenever I try to pour out my soul at all, strange things come out. Should I just learn to live with this?? As Thomas-Sensei would probably say, "We all have strange things in our soul. And sometimes they come out! We just need to learn to accept them,
welcome them... And let them pass." ...Or something like that. I'd try to see what Pol would say, but I'd probably just get referred to his evil one-eyed talking parrot. Oh well.
What was I rambling on about?? Oh yeah. When I try to talk about serious stuff, it all gets a little emotional and silly. Silly is good! Silly is great. But there is a time and a place for silly, and sometimes people don't want silliness all over their nice business suits. So I'll just keep writing this strangeness in my journal (which I have taken to calling my
Tome of Troubles, on account of how dramatic and angsty my life must seem if all someone saw of it was my journal. (My journal's real name is Tim. Why? No idea.)). I'll try to keep this stuff in there, but sometimes I may have a funny urge to let it seep onto here. For all the world to see. Weird.
...OH GOD. It's the end of the world tomorrow, isn't it?? Wait. No. It's 3:13
now. IT'S THE END OF THE FREAKING WORLD, PEOPLE!! *waves invisible maracas!* ...Really though, I don't think that the world will end. I just thought that it was funny. When I finished the last paragraph, my mind strayed to my discovery of what I'd do if this really
was the last day. Here it is:
If it's the kind of 'world ends in a flash of light, no warning, preparation, or time' kind of thing, then I'd want to do something new, crazy, and exiting. Actually, a whole bunch of things. I came up with the first 4 list items, but I just decided to add stuff to illustrate my point.
1. Jump on the beds in a mattress store
2. Hug a random person
3. Propose to the first person I see at the park
4. Say something nice to a telemarketer
5. Buy a homeless person some lunch
6. Sing Hedwig and the Angry Inch loudly in a department store (why do I always have the urge to do this?? The same thing happens at school too...)
7. Burst into the doctor's office (no, not
that doctor. ...Sadly.) and offer all the children rainbow lollipops
8. Do the Time Warp on someone's kitchen table (and put your legs in styyyyle...)
9. Trigger a spontanious group-Time Warp-flash mob in the park (it's just a jump to the left...)
10. Come out as bisexual to my (non-immediate) family in roaring colors and style
...So what I got from all this is that, secretly, I want to be a spontaneous and risk-taking person. I think. It's kinda hard to tell at 3:29 in the morning.
The real question is... Why don't I do this right now?? Every day
could be my last... But I won't. At least, this version of me won't. That Rahel you see up there is the risk-taking Rahel. The manic-pixie-girl Rahel. The Girl Who Was In Love with the World.
(The Rahel that will take over and push the Publish button before reading this post, because she knows that the other Rahel will go back and delete everything if she read it. Blame all this madness on ManicPixieGirl!Rahel.)
She is not me.
I am a different type of Rahel.
Someday I
might be the Rahel you see grinning cheekily out at you from the list above... And if that day ever comes, I will come to your house and do the Time Warp on your kitchen table. And you can join me.
Until then, I'll keep on being the Rahel I am.
Ciao. And greetings... From the End of the World.
