ANGSTADY-ANGST, HURRAH!

Hello, world.
Despite what my last post may have lead you to believe, I'm actually not constantly depressed anymore. What cured me? I'd like to say the support of my family and friends, but I'm gonna be honest here. While the humans whom I occasionally let within my personal bubble of 5 feet (most notably Cooper McHatton) helped me feel a little less empty inside, what really cured me was the Vlogbrothers. I'm sorry, guys. You helped a lot, but there's something about John and Hank that reminds me that, despite our faults, we're all made of some form of awesome.
That being said, I'm not feeling too amazing at the moment. I have a doctor's appointment (for a check-up) in a few hours (I don't know WHEN) that I became aware of just today. I HATE DOCTOR'S OFFICES. I DON'T KNOW WHY. I can read all day about lympoma and sleep soundly at night. I can look at diagrams of tracheotomies and all I'll think is "Neat!" I'm the kind of person who thinks it's fun to stay up until 6:00AM on a school night reading up on torture methods on wikipedia. However, when I walk into that cold, foul-smelling office, I immediately start to panic. My throat feels like it's closing, I can't fight off the people trying to hug me or comfort me, and I'm afraid that the rushing sound in my ears will be my undoing.
So, yeah. I don't particularly like the doctor's office. On top of all this, I DON'T KNOW IF I WORK THIS FRIDAY. The days have been scrambled up on me and I can barely remember what I did yesterday, never mind the day before that. I really hope they'd call me if I skipped a day. It is VERY important that I find out if I work, because I have a therapy session RIGHT WHEN I F#CKING WORK EVERY OTHER FRIDAY.
<rant>
...And I've been staying until at least 4:00AM every night for the past week, my library book is due tomorrow, my friend Talon and I are trying to make things work between us (but I think we might be failing), I'm sure Shanti has sent me a new email, but I haven't checked it yet and I hope she isn't mad at me, I love math but I suck at it, I feel like a heel for not hanging out with Cooper as much as I should, the overuse of emotion among humans is stupid, unnecessary, and confusing, I don't understand women, I can't remember what day it is, I keep forgetting why I'm here and I wonder if I ever knew, panic attacks are rampant, the ninjas are all after me, and I'm pretty damn sure that the Silents are creeping up on me wherever I go.

AND THAT'S JUST THIS WEEK. A rather GOOD week, compared to what this month's been like.

</rant>

...Oh, and commas are CONFUSING, especially when I misuse them. Sorry about that. >.<
BAH. Anyway, what was I saying before my post was bombarded by ANGST??
Oh yeah. I'm not depressed anymore.
Wheee. <waves maracas/>

Sweltering Lettuce and Caution Tape

Soooo. Long time, no see. What's it been, a week? Yikes.
WELL. To start this thing off with a bang, I'm gonna share something kinda morbid and fun that I wrote! Ready, kids? =D

I took a certain pride in being dead; lying (arms limp, breath held, mouth agape) in an imaginary pool of blood, yellow striped caution tape surrounding me like a foreboding web spun by a crack-addicted spider. People would hurry around me, police lights flashing across the limp and untroubled form. 

The picture was messy, but there was a peacefulness to it and I took to imagining my own death whenever possible.

All of this is, of course, a huge exaggeration; While I do find playing dead rather fun (just as I like imagining what it would feel like to have a pencil shoved through the eye), it isn't all I do and I have no wish to die. Although death doesn't terrify me (much), I rather like being alive and I would like to keep it that way. XD
Maybe this would make a good opening for a book.... Which reminds me.
I HAVEN'T BEEN WRITING. O_O
And I mean ANYTHING. No fanfics, no graphic novels, no blogging, no snippets of books, no coding.... Not even Twitter. ALL WEEK.
I HATE IT. I'm going to get in gear and BACK into writing. I'm going to go SWELTERING LETTUCE. ...Or something. What's the opposite of Cold Turkey? Fresh-cooked turkey? Fresh cooked steak? Raw steak??
Whatever it is, i'm gonna do it. XD

22 Years Is a Long Time

[WARNING: REFERENCES TO DRUG USE AND ILLEGALLY OBTAINED EXPLOSIVES.]

[DISCLAIMER: MY MOTHER NO LONGER PERFORMS NOR CONDONES ILLEGAL ACTS. READ WITH YOUR OWN DISCRETION.]

MY MOM WOULD ALSO LIKE TO ADD THAT THIS WAS 22 YEARS AGO AND THAT SHE NEVER WOULD HAVE TOLD ME ANYTHING LIKE THIS IF IT WERE NOT FOR MURPHY SPILLING THE BEANS. CAT'S OUT OF THE BAG NOW, HUH MURPHY?? [I would like to add that Murphy is also clean and does not perform nor condone illegal acts. He also totally rocks. Oh! And I was with my Dad last night. XD]

 OH, AND THE FACT THAT SHE WAS HALF ASLEEP AND HALF DRUNK FROM THE NIGHT BEFORE. ALSO, HER DAD HAS CANCER AND SHE IS GOING OVER TO HIS HOUSE TODAY TO DISCUSS HIS WILL, SO SHE IS NOT IN HER BEST HEAD SPACE AND WOULD NOT NORMALLY TELL THIS STORY.

My Mom laid on her bed, peering at her phone with bleary eyes and wondering if she should give up trying to get back t6o sleep.

To make conversation, I told her about some of the properties of C4. When I mentioned that it mimics dynamite in many ways (except that it's easier to control), she suddenly got a strange gleam in her eyes.

"I had dynamite once." She said.

"What?" I asked. "Why?"

"Well... I was 14," She started, that funny look still in her eyes. I made myself more comfortable. This was going to be a story.

"My best friend's dad... He was a scary biker dude.* He'd give us drugs... And he was a pedophile."

I remembered some stuff about this guy. He was totally insane. I think he's dead now.

"Anyway... He went to Mexico and came back with a huge dufflebag full of M80's. Quarter sticks of dynamite. And he thought that they were perfect for a bunch kids on the Fourth of July. So he gave them to us. A bunch of delinquent druggies." She gave a slight pause then, seemingly remembering some dark past. "Let me tell you. There isn't a more perfect recipe for disaster then drugged out, delinquent teenagers, LSD, dynamite, morse code, and red tide. Not the laundry soap red tide. The glowing, washed-up-on-the-beach red tide."

"You knew morse code??" I asked, horrified and fascinated.

"Nooope." She said, shaking her head.

"Oh." I managed.

*I've met some biker dudes and I know that they aren't all scary. The one my Mom's talking about is.

Of Fluffy Bunnies and Mental Scarring

Hey people! I'm sorry I haven't been posting as often lately!! I'm trying, really I am. There just hasn't really been much new with the Rats of Mommika (go here and here if you missed the posts!), no household appliances have been in extreme need of exorcism, and I've been getting further into D&D and schoolwork. (I'm DM! And I'm kinda, sorta, maybe, learning more stuff. For those of you interested, the dandwiki has helped me tremendously. =^^=)
Anyway, here's the post that you may or may not have been waiting for....


Yesterday, I was browsing through images to put on the front of my new Homemade!DM Screen. As I browsed, I saw this picture.

I thought that it was one of the funnier things I'd seen, so I saved it to my Desktop. When I took a second look at the picture though, something stirred deep within me. I even got a visual of a monster rising from a heap of ash, the grey pools shifting and moving, giving way to something clearer and definitely more sinister. (Maladaptive Daydreaming for-the-win!! =D) ....I'm guessing I got it from the original Dune movie, but i can't be sure. Anyway, I instantly felt sad and strangely wistful. The feeling stayed as I looked at it (instead of skittering away like most strange remembrances do).
I showed the picture to my Dad, and he said that it was from Watership Down. My awesome friend had come over last year, and told me about this book. It sounded very sad, bloody, and interesting, so (of course) I remembered it.
Funny how all these little things are connected.

It turns out that my Mom rented Watership Down for me when I was around 4. She thought that it was a children's story about cute fluffy bunnies.... Hah.
She got the cute fluffy bunny part, but failed to realize that it wasn't exactly suited for children. I looked on youtube for the trailer, and oh man. I totally remember this. THIS explains my wariness of rabbits... Well, that and watching that part with the Killer Rabbit from 'Monty Python's King Arthur and the Holy Grail.' (Also showed to me by my Mom. Correlation? Maybe. XD) ...OH YEAH. And having a really-scary-once-feral-pet-rabbit-with-really-sharp-teeth running around my yard for years.... We named him Max. ...After Max Shrek. He belonged to our neighbors before he escaped. Over and over again. We caught him and gave him back each time, but after a while they decided that he was safer with us, so we kept him. Our neighbors raised him with cats, so he liked to eat cat food. He'd also play with our cats. He was really sweet and gentle... Before he hit puberty.
PARENTS. You think that your teenager is bad? Try taking care of one that literally runs up to you and BITES on to your pants-leg and shakes their head like a bull-dog. (SEE? SEE?? THIS is one reason I ALWAYS wear denim jeans thought ALL SEASONS. So nyeh!)
Anyhoo, after about a year, he mellowed out. ....Kinda. He was still a bit strange in the head... And I wouldn't turn my back on him for a millisecond. He died several years ago, and I haven't seen him since.
OoHh! Really scary mental image of a Zombie Bunny there...
Zombunny wants braaains......

^       ^

|  |  |  |

\O _ X /

[|]

U        U

‘ ‘ ‘    ‘ ‘ ‘

           x          P

U       U

......Back to the Watership Down thread!
*Ahem.* Yes. Well. I researched a bit, and found that there is such a thing as Bunnies and Burrows (hehe. B&B), and it was based off Watership Down...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bunnies_%26_Burrows
I even found a character sheet! =^.~
ALSO, this dude wrote a post on the game! =D
http://apaladinincitadel.blogspot.com/2011/05/bunnies-burrows-rpg.html
Thanks dude! =^^=

Phew! I guess that's about it... Losing ranting-steam.
... Ooo. Steampunk-Ranting-Rahel....
Aw darn.
That silly point is hitting again. When I get tired, I pass through different stages and mood-swings. This is when my humor takes a turn for the worst.... er. Ish. Ness. Okay, I'm gonna publish this and be done with it. BEFORE IT GETS SERIOUS. O_O
Goodnight! o^^o

The sick

Not again.... I'm sick with the cold this week. I have been sick about 4 times this year. Easily. Obviously, I need to update my system. If I go on like this, bad things will happen. Maybe I need to get some kind of 'Fight Cold' feat? Is there such a thing?? I must find out. Anyhoo, I'm tiered, grouchy,and and my sinuses sting. I really don't want to roll up new character, (AKA: dying/reincarnation/moving-on/kicking-the-bucket/biting-the big-one/going-to-see-the-great-gig-in-the-sky, etc. for all you non-gamers out there =^.~) so I'll just have to tough it out and pray that I build a tolerance to sick.

Speaking of new loves..... part 2

I ended up finding some bits and pieces of Batman The Dark Knight on youtube!!! I have decided that, as soon as my little sister isn't in the house, it is time to watch this movi.
I rewatched the bank robbery scene (my Dad showed it to me years ago. NEVER gets old) and the pencil magic trick scene, which I had never seen before. I. LAUGHED. MY. ASS OFF. It was the most terrifyingly hilarious things I have EVER seen. I seriously laughed for 30 seconds straight. Like a maniac. My Dad came over to see what I was laughing at. I told him and he gave me a horrified look. Apparently, he didn't find it comical. >_9

Tell my what you think.
NOTE!!! If you are under 13 or have a weak tolerance to violence, PLEASE don't watch this video. Parents, I am NOT responsible in the advent that your child DOES watch this and becomes mentally scarred.
THAT being said, enjoy the blood!! =D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hj-L1WD-3WU