Ugh

It's been way too long.

I haven't written anything at all in quite a while and I feel like it's stifling any wisps of creativity I had clung to last year.

I'd like to start writing for Cracked.com, but I don't feel like I'm cut out for it yet. Gotta flex my weak, nerve-damaged fingers and get back into blogging. Ugh.

I suppose that this will be good for me. Twitter is good for angst, but it has to be short angst. Tumblr would be good, but I know a lot of people on there and that "like" button is so easy to press that it makes me anxious. My journal is difficult because writing with a pen scrunches up my small fingers and cramps up my hands a lot faster than typing does.

First off, I suppose I should make a general update on my life.

I have a new(ish) friend. I might just refer to her as "BF"on here because 1.) she's my best friend and 2.) she has a spectacular resting bitchface. When she's actually pissed off she can shoot daggers out of her eye sockets. She's rad and she helps me out with my anxiety and how to interpret social queues.
The other day her boyfriend got in a car accident and broke his sternum. He's out of the hospital and doesn't need surgery, but I'm still worried about them. Jeez, that seems like such a weird thing to tack on. "Hey I have this great friend and also this horrible thing just happened so yeah." Moving on.

I quit Aikido. I went lame for a while and martial arts aggravated it a lot. That and the horrible stress of promoting made me decide to quit. I still miss it. The other day I tried to stretch my shoulders by grabbing my arm and pressing it against my chest like a half-hug and, much to my surprise, it hurt a little. This stretch has never hurt me before and I'd often wonder if it actually worked at all. Lemme tell you, it is an important stretch. I've been doing it daily since then and it's starting to go back to its usual non-hurting status. Fuck, I need to exercise.

I've taken up more work in the library system so now I'm working at two locations. The second library is much smaller and I'm the only paige so it's interesting. If I was allowed to go for more than twice a week things would be perfect in that place. Still, I'm doing my best to stay on top of it and my boss is really good at staying on top of the mess.

I'm out as transgender which means I'm supposed to correct people on my pronouns. Is there a polite way to do this?? I don't want to be a bother and it was bad enough telling people that I prefer "he."
On the upside, I feel much better about myself now that I've been binding. I've demoted my jackets from "constant companions" to "wintertime precautions" and it's been taking some getting used to. My arms are beginning to tan and by "tan" I mean "dim." Yeah that's right. I've been wearing shirtsleeves outside! Who knew all I needed was a flattish chest to make me soak up some vitamin D? It took us all by surprise.

Depression keeps trying to sneak its way back into my life under the guise of boredom but I am having none of that bullshit. My grandmother moved recently and she gave me her giant heart-leaf philodendron and I strung that up all around my ceiling. In addition to my other philodendron and my spider plants, I'm growing moss and two bromeliads- one given to me by BF, the other by Alena. To really push me into crazy plantguy/rainforest bushwacker territory, I bought a small humidifier to keep everything from drying out. God damn I love humidifiers. They make me feel like a lizard in the best way possible.

I saw my Dad a few weeks ago for my little sister's birthday, which I was late to because I had work and I had to find out through my friend's mother. We had a pretty nice time and I hung out with my little brother who demonstrated his idea of what a motorcycle sounds like -- a low clicking noise. That was hilarious.

Well, that's all I have for now. Please forgive the lackluster sentence structure in this post, I need caffeine and a better brain.