Weak

My two best friends were not in school today. One is probably sleeping in, sick, or catching up on schoolwork. Cooper, the other one, is in New York. Was in New York. He's back today, and I'll get to see him (I'm thinking we should try out that D&D chess I'm designing), but he wasn't in school.
I know many people at my school. I've even kind of become friends with them (albeit by accident), but I'm still very afraid to get close.
So it kind of shocked me when I started to feel really lonely when the only other girl my age left for her house today. I usually don't get along with her very well (she does dumb stuff sometimes. Like take my things and hold them over my head.), but I really felt sad that she was leaving. So just before she walked out, I hugged her and said "Oh my God, I am so lonely! Goodbye." She was quite shocked (everyone knows that hugs tend to terrify me) and hugged me back. Then she said that she'd see me Thursday and walked away.

So I take it I really do need my friends to remain sane. Pretty strange. Just 2 years ago, I would have been perfectly fine on my own. I'd even prefer it.

I think the worst part about all this is that I feel embarrassed and weak from all of this. I love my friends, but I always felt secure in the knowledge that I actually didn't need them to function.

Except when I started having dreams about making friends. Those were sad. Although I always had to wake up in the end, I never forgot them. Like that one girl I met in a dream when I was about 7. I actually remember her last look. I never quite got her name, either.

I wonder if she misses me.