Personal Character Development

So I've been reading about Asperger's syndrome lately. I'm pretty sure that I have it and it's taking a lot of willpower to not go research-crazy (because self-diagnosis can lead to sketchy Real Life details later on. Hypochondriac, remember?). Still, I've learned quite a bit and I wanted to bring something up.

I am very good at bullshitting. I am not good at lying. Yes, there is a difference.
For example, if you ask if I did or didn't do something I was/wasn't supposed to, I will always tell the truth, even if it isn't in my best interests. This isn't only because I'm against lying. It's because I really can't lie in the first place. I'd fix my eyes on something boring, try to hide my face, and wonder if my skin was changing color, trying all the while to remember if the person I'm talking to is good at detecting lies. I get so hung up on them buying it, I end up giving myself away.
Bullshitting, on the other hand, is like telling a story. Sure, that's what lying is too, but when I bullshit it's to entertain. I love telling kids about the magical properties of coconuts, how to befriend fire imps, and just what the troll-to-ogre ratio is in the monster-hunting business.*
If people don't believe me, that's totally fine. It was done in jest and I lost nothing. I can bullshit all I want.
The trouble is, I've become really good at pretending to be other people.

I love characters. There's nothing quite as fun as slipping into an act, to take on alien characteristics.
I loved Heath Ledger's performance in Batman: Dark Knight so much, I adopted his speech patterns for weeks. I was so enthralled by Abed Nadir from Community that I still say 'Cool. Cool cool cool.' compulsively. And don't even get me started on the 10th Doctor.
It's all fine when it's a recognizable character. It only gets weird when your moods suddenly have character detached from you.
For example, yesterday at work I was putting books on a cart, talking to the new librarian. I usually have a meandering sort of tone, as if I'm somewhere else entirely. I also tend to mumble a lot and giggle at my own jokes. So I was talking normally, when suddenly our landlord walked up to me.
I straightened a bit and smiled. "Hey!" I said, raising my eyebrows and twisting my neck a little in a surprised manner. "How're you doing?"
"Not bad." He said, returning the smile. "How are you?"
"I'm good." I said, although I wasn't really feeling fantastic.
"That's great." He said. "I'm gonna look at some books. You take care now."
"All right, you too." I said in my most pleasant voice. I continued to sort books, holding a happy smile until he was well out of sight. Then I dropped the face, relaxed my shoulders, and went back to sorting.
What I did was insincere in the moment, but it wasn't meant to trick him. He would be more comfortable if I reacted really positively in that moment, so I did. It was a pleasant encounter and I think we both befitted from it in a small way.
And it isn't like every time I do this, I'm faking. My 'happy and polite' mode is a little amped up at work, but I'm sure that anyone who knows me has seen it. Usually I actually am really happy to see you. It just takes a tad bit more effort to really express it (or, sometimes, regulate it. Some people are put off by my 'mad loon' grin.).
Still, it might creep other people out to see me shift modes, as I'm sure the new librarian did. Sometimes when I'm in a setting where I have to be in 'happy, polite' mode all day, it really becomes taxing. Being on guard all the time, remembering which face you should be making, or what topic would be too inappropriate to bring up... It's really tiring.

SO if you see my face suddenly change after talking to someone, you'll know why.



*No, seriously. I told my neighbor kids about this. It was awesome.
**Actually, he isn't our landlord. I've forgotten the correct term. It doesn't really matter right now, though.

Telephones and Tardiness

8:04

That's what my alarm clock says at the moment. It had better actually be 8:04, because I just went back and set it.

Yesterday I got a call from my boss. She said that we were short on hours for the pages and I no longer have my Wednesdays. I work 3 days a week and Wednesdays are where I have most my hours. I enjoy Wednesdays- Not only because I earn 16 bucks more on that day. I enjoy them because they present a challenge. Storytime starts at 10:30 for the little kids, so the place is full of children for most the time I'm there. Learning how to time everything perfectly without running over children all the while has been something good for me. In addition to this, my favorite coworker is always there on Wednesdays (not always there on the other days), and we usually get some time to talk about Doctor Who or something before there are more things to shelve.

I was kinda sad about losing Wednesdays and a bit anxious about my job's stability, but I decided to let it go. There was nothing I could do... And tomorrow was no longer a work day.

So I turned off my alarm.

When I woke up, my clock read 9:42. Normally I'd be all jazzed about the 42, but something hit me:

DID SHE MEAN THIS WEDNESDAY?

They open when my shift starts, so I couldn't call. I'd have to walk over there to find out.

The problem was, I had to brush my teeth, find socks, and wash the roadgrit out of my hair before walking into my place of work. And I had less then 10 minuets.

I'd already been late twice in a row the in the last weeks (once because I forgot to set the alarm, once because of miscommunication between my Mom and me) and I was sure that they wouldn't be so forgiving this time.

I explained the situation to mom, stuck my head in the tub, and ran around like a lunatic to find clothes, a toothbrush sticking out of my face all the while.

I ran out the door at 9:55. As I ran, I opened my phone to see if I had any missed calls.

There, in the corner in tiny letters, was the time. 7:55.

I stopped and looked around. It did seem too late for the sun to be that low... I ran back inside and checked the time on the microwave. Yup, 7:55. Somehow I managed to change my clock's time when I turned off the alarm. I've done it before.

So now I'm going to eat and get ready at a slower pace before walking to work to see if I work today anyway.
As of right now, it's 8:34. (Yeah, I write slowly! What do you want from me??) I'll walk to work in an hour and 45 minutes. Wish me luck.

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PS: While looking for an appropriate word for the title, I came upon the word "metachronism." Neat, huh?

PSS: I finished writing and editing at 8:34. I worked on the title until 8:47. PRIORITIES.