Thursday, June 14, 2012

Ninclowns

I just realized something terrifying.
Mimes are a cross between clowns and ninjas.

Think about it!
What are the two things that clowns and ninjas share in common? They both terrifying. However, this quality manifests itself in vastly different ways when you work with vastly different creatures.
You see, clowns are scary in an in-your-face kind of way. Ninjas are the exact opposite. They're scary in a dum-de-dum-walking-home-from-work-ohcrapaninja-DEAD!!! kind of way.
Both terrifying, right? The question is, what if you take key elements in these different styles and then add them together? The answer? MIMES.
Yes, that's right. When one takes the most terrifying aspects of two* of the most terrifying creatures known to humankind and smashes them together (the smashing itself probably involving quite a bit of setting fire to nursing homes, sacrificing puppies, and jaywalking) we get MIMES.

See for yourself.

Color
C=wild colors
c=neutral colors

Tact
T=subtle
t=up-in-your-face


(We may assume that both clowns and ninjas have the potential to be deadly and/or evil.)

Clown
Ct

Ninja
cT


Ct
cCcct
TCTTt


As you can see, when you cross a clown with a ninja, you may get one of these things:
Cc- A Chameleon Ninclown or Shifting-Color Ninclown (very confusing and difficult to look upon)
CT- A Colorful Ninclown (they make up for their eye-drawing colors by being especially deadly)
Tt- A Bipolar Ninclown. (pretty much exactly what it sounds like.)

ct- A Silent Ninclown (commonly known as a Mime) (puts up a wall of invisibility, follows you home, hides under your bed, then silently jumps out and stabs you with an invisible stake-knife. Then mimes eating your heart.)
Yeah.


....... France is so screwed.




_________________________________
*Notice that I didn't say THE most. Just TWO of the most. Not even the top two. Sharks are probably scarier.
......OH NO.


PS!! Please don't chase me with pitchforks and fire if this punnet square is incorrect. I've had enough of THAT from the local villagers already. (I mean 'cmon! Just because I have a strange urge to chase rabbits and howl at the moon about once a month doesn't mean that you have to try and KILL me!! And seriously. Silver bullets?? They don't really do all that much better then the regular lead ones.)

AHEM.
Anyway, tracing clown and ninja genes is HARD. Do you know what I have to go through to get blood samples of CLOWNS?? On a good clownnapping you sneak up behind it, hit it over the head with a shovel, then put it into a body bag and then into your trunk without being seen. Then when you get back and open the bag, it's usually awake and you have to avoid the chloroform-soaked rag thrusted into your face and beat it into dazed submission. (IF it doesn't actually turn out to be the joker. [If THAT'S the case, then just pray that you don't have a heart attack when he sits up and proclaims "Or maybe alive??"])

Don't even get me STARTED on the ninjas.

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